Winter Blah Ramblings

Winter is hard.

I never realized just how hard I take winter.

But it's just...hard.

For the first years of my life..I had always been in school. So a down and out mood was generally acceptable thanks to having to write bazillion word essays and listening to lectures (or rather, pretending to listen) that bored you out of your skull and made you contemplate the worst ways to die - so that you could  then compare them to having to sit through that lecture (I'm looking at YOU second year medieval history BULLSHIT.)

After my undergrad, I dove directly into teachers college and that meant that I was even busier. The essays weren't as long - the lectures were actually enjoyable and my grades went up huge percentages. But it was busy. So busy that I couldn't breathe. And when I did have three weeks off for Christmas holidays I jet setted off to Africa - leaving from school on my last Friday to drive directly to the airport, and arriving home the Monday school started.

I know, poor me.

Regardless - that year was intense. It took SO MUCH out of me that I felt like I was at the end of my rope come April.

And then I dove into a busy time at work and worked my ass off until August.

I worked all day, and then proceeded to pack my life into two suitcases and move halfway around the world to start a new job. Which I did. Directly following an eight hour flight. In a country with a language I didn't speak. FOR CRAZY PEOPLE.

I traveled, I danced, I worked too much. I took way too many photos and drank expresso. I was happy, I was sad. Life was life - it was what it was and in a lot of ways, it was the time of my life.

The winter was hard - I missed my family, my friends and I learned to hate my job - but I also learned to stand up for myself. Come April? I had a wonderful holiday. Country hoping, visiting with friends, meeting new people, exploring new places, loving everything so much I thought I would burst. English speakers AND sunshine? Could life GET any better?

When I returned back to Switzerland, a friend commented on my happy state, and wondered what was up with me. How bizarre I thought - that it's UNUSUAL to be happy. But I was, and I continued to be. I was renewed I thought, I'd made it through the halfway point and was in the homestretch. Plus, the weather was beautiful. Late nights drinking wine overlooking the Zurisee, picnics in the park on the green grass and plans of holidays to come.

Coming home from that year, I dove directly back into work. I took a day off and tried to recover from the jetlag of moving BACK from halfway around the world after spending two weeks bumming around eastern europe and lying on Greek beaches (I KNOW! My life is SO horrible eh?) and then I dove back into working non stop and doing everything that needed to be done.

Come Thanksgiving though? I was exhausted again. I spent most of my days lying in bed. Alternating between trying to do everything for everyone and be everyone for everyone and deal with  bitchy fighting family problems. I also slept. A lot. And avoided everyone and everything because I realized that there was no way that I could be everything and everyone to everything and everyone - so what was the point in being anything or anyone to anything to anyone?

And did I mention that I was exhausted from the whirlwind pace of the first 24 years of my life and needed to sleep?

So I slept. And I pretended that life outside of my little box didn't exist. I tried to take it easy. This was of course in between trying to take care of everyone. And feeling like a complete failure.

And then - somewhere...somehow? It all fell apart.

Because suddenly, it was spring. Life sucked. Death happened. Hate, real hate, more hate than I could ever imagine came out of my being.

But then, despite all of that - life seemed okay. The sun came out. We made maple syrup. I repressed a lot of things and shopped away my sorrows. Far away friends came to visit and we drank wine and talked until 4am. Life was going to be okay.

Summer came, the sun came out and the world seemed a little brighter. Things started to go right, instead of wrong. New purchases, big purchases - life decisions made, for better or worse.

Busy busy busy summer. Wedding. Baby! Sleepless nights.

Working so much I had no idea how I could possibly exist anymore.

But happy. Generally, happy. Dinner on the back porch, family dinners, swimming in the pool and visits with lovely people.

Now though? The busy season has ended. Things have slowed down - and for that I am grateful, I needed a break.

But I'm back to this point - where it's winter...and I have turned into a person I don't like. The person who wants to be a hermit and never see anyone, the person who makes people question where the happy person went. The person who avoids people because she can't handle them. The one who cries for no reason and feels disillusioned by life.

I've come to the conclusion that whether it be timing of life slowing down, or the weather changing - I don't really like winter me. Winter me...sucks a whole bunch of suckage- and although I'm a million times busier, more exhausted and stressed...summer me is generally a lot happier.

Maybe I just need to spend my winters in a warmer climate filled with sunshine and mojitos and thus a happier me.

I could totally work from the beach - Gimme a laptop and a drink in my hand and it would TOTALLY work..

...right?

The Fencepost

Sometimes people 'round these parts drive me insane.

The rednecks that are so close minded you can't even get them to even think about opening their eyes. Or the bad drivers. Or lazy, thoughtless people.

But the other night, as I was having a chat with someone on the phone..the guy I was talking to paused..and said:

"Well..between you, me and the fence post...'

And I remembered why sometimes, just sometimes, living 'round these parts is all sorts of ridiculous awesome. Because SERIOUSLY - WHO SAYS THAT?!

...As for what's between us and the fencepost? Well, that's why it's between us and you're not.

Bet you're curious now..mawhaha!

Ambiguity

I don't know why I disillusion myself into dreams of grandeur.

Sometimes, I get my hopes up and hope that things will be different.

I know I shouldn't - but I do.

Sometimes I know that I just need to suck it up, accept the way that things are and move on.

But for some reason - I just can't.

This game of life is a funny, funny thing..

Snowy Sunday

As I get older, I have a harder problem dealing with winter. Being cooped up inside, the lack of sunshine, the cold - it just doesn't agree with me now that my winter life doesn't revolve around snow forts and hot chocolate.

Sad, I know.

That being said..it's Sunday. There is no where we need to be, no where we have to go. Places that we could go, things we could do..of course. There is nothing essential or pressing though..

Which means that it's okay that we're snowed in.

It's fine that the snow is falling down in huge white flakes, that small dogs going for walks almost can't be seen through the one car track on the road. It's fine that the driveway is covered and  the snow is getting deeper by the second.

Because I have a hot chocolate, a duvet and a movie.

And life on this snowy Sunday afternoon is a-okay.

Big Huge Sighs

This year has been one of many turbulent ups and downs.

Births, deaths and everything in between.

There have been three in the morning phone calls saying 'come now, he won't make it through the night'

There have been phonecalls announcing weddings

There have been 2am trips to the vet with bleeding animals.

There have been mornings that are too early. Nights that are too late

There has even been the text message that said "HOLY. CRAP. I. JUST. WATCHED. A. BABY. BE. BORN. (ps - he's healthy, happy, beautiful & perfect)

There have been days when I sang in the shower, the car, the hallway and every other place you can sing.

There have been days when I cried in the shower, the car, the hallway and any other place you can cry.

Today though?

Today was one where I sighed big huge sighs of relief.

Today was the one, where when I phone call came, I wanted to freak out, but knew it would do no good...so I didn't.

It was the one where I was relieved (after the fact) to have missed the call that would have said "I'm trapped in the car and it's filling with smoke, I don't know how I'm going to get out, but tell my wife and baby boy that I love them" - Because that phone call? That would have been the end of reason and sanity.

Thankfully, shortly after that missed call, there were helpful strangers, a moment of clarity and the exit from a severely damaged vehicle.

And then there was the phone call that was actually received.

The one that said "Everyone is okay. The car is destroyed. But everyone is okay."

So tonight? While his wife hugged him as silent tears ran down her race and he cringed a little due to the bruises that are slowly making their way to the surrface..I cuddled their little boy...and sang him to sleep..

Happier than ever, that I could sing him one of his favourite songs..and not have to lie..

Close your eyes..
Have no fear..
The monsters gone..
He's on the run..
And your daddy's here..

Today is one of those days that makes you appreciate being alive. Makes you think about the important things, the little things and makes you thankful for everything else. Today, is one of the days that makes you sigh big huge sighs of relief.

Quiche & Coffee

A few weeks ago, I was up early. I fed the baby and put him back to bed...but alas, I couldn't put myself back to bed.

So, I did what any self respecting 20 something would do, and bummed around on the internet for a little while...finally exhausting possible forms of procrastination, I decided it would be nice of me to make a good breakfast.

I dug around the fridge and freezer, scoping out my options.

Not a whole lot of anything struck me with inspiration, until I saw a frozen pie crust..

Ah ha! I thought, I shall make a quiche! Because who doesn't love homemade quiche?!

So I grabbed some eggs, some milk, some onions, broccoli and cheese and started throwing together a quiche. 

While I was doing this, my cousin called to chat, she asked what I was doing and I told her that I was making a quiche - she told me that I was crazy, because it wasn't even 9am on a Saturday and I was in the kitchen, making a quiche, from scratch.

I laughed and said that I liked cooking, and wanted to have a nice breakfast and I couldn't sleep anyways!

Fast forward to the quiche being in the oven. Almost ready. I had a lovely breakfast ready almost ready to go, I'd cut up some fruit when suddenly, I realised what I was missing. 

Coffee.

Generally, adults have COFFEE with breakfast.

Which is great, except that I...don't.

I've never made coffee.

I had no idea what I was doing as I stared blankly at the coffee machine.

Not wanting to wake my cousin, I called the other one in Boston, and explained my situation to her. I simply needed her to tell me how to make coffee.

As she walked me through the steps, told me how much water to put in, where to turn the machine on and how many scoops of coffee grounds to put in (with a gentle reminder that I needed to put in a filter - thanks, tips) I could hear a little hint of amusement in her voice.

Upon questioning this, she laughed and said: Well, don't you think that it's kind of funny that you can make a quiche from scratch without evening thinking about it, but you need step by step verbal instructions on how to make COFFEE?

And that folks, is the story of my life. 

The Bad Canadian

More often than not, I'm a bad Canadian.

I think that cold and the winter sucks (Unless it's on the 24th and 25th of December. Then it's okay. Ish.)

Hockey doesn't interest me (Unless we're playing the US in a gold medal game and then I'm all HOCKEY RULES YO!)

I don't ever wear a toque. Ew. 

I mean, I don't even live in an Igloo - what kind of a Canadian am I?!

So - you've already discovered how bad of a Canadian I am...but this is the kicker..because today..today folks was one of the first times that I've shoveled snow.

Like, for real.

I don't know how I escaped this chore for 25 years (Okay - so I actually do - hello tractors with a snowblower attached) but I have. And now I'm living at a place where there aren't boys to clear your driveway for you with large tractors. And it's snowing. Bunches. And I have an early morning meeting.

So I shoveled snow - for basically the first time in my life. I mean, I've done it before. When I was building snow forts and needed extra snow, or that time that I was like..hmm..I wonder what all this fuss is about - picked up a shovel, shoveled for approximately 2.4 seconds and then was like...yeaaaah..this sucks. Not happening. 

And it wasn't that bad.

Okay. It was.

I'm pretty okay with being a bad Canadian if it means that I never have to shovel this crap again.

...FYI - I can't be all bad though. I love beer. And Timmy's. And grew up on a maple syrup farm. That's gotta count for SOMETHING. 

Life Is What Happens...

I've been thinking a lot lately.

Not that I don't think on a regular sort of basis...I should clarify. I've been thinking a lot about LIFE lately. Not that I don't think about that on a fairly regular basis either..but blah..you internet, you of all people, you should know what I mean. What I mean is that it, life, been on my mind even more than normal lately.

How short it is, how crazy it is. The people in it, the way it's lived. The way it's squandered, the way it's enjoyed and the way everyone measures it, quantifies it.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm always on this quest, wishing I could organize life into chunks of time and make the most of it. If I do this first, and then that next, and then cross this off my list, then I will be able to squeeze EVERYTHING in. Even if it means that I don't get to enjoy ANY of it. I've done it all...wooohoo! Yeah, not really what I want. There are a lot of things that I want to do, but none of them enough to make me not have enjoying life as the numero uno priority on my bucket list.

And then I start looking at the things in my life around me, and I wonder what happiness is. And if the people I've surrounded myself with are making me happy, or allowing me to reach that potential. And then answer is..sometimes, no. Which is really sad. Because everyone should be happy, all of the time. I really, honestly wish that were possible. Having girls weekends like the one we had a few weeks ago in Vegas? Made me SO HAPPY. Ridiculously happy..and if I'm not that happy with people..then what's the point? If people make me sad, frustrated and upset...if they try to manipulate me and control me and treat me like garbage, why am I doing the things I'm doing? So lately I've had to make some executive decisions in my life, and I said goodbye to some people in my life that at this point were just not healthy for me and the person I wanted to be. And I've distanced myself from others, while I try to get my head on straight. Hard, difficult and almost impossible? Yeah. Important? Definitely. And it's not like I wish these people any ill will, infact, I hope that they're happy. I hope that they love, and get everything that they want out of life. I hope that they're honest with themselves and have no regrets, I hope that life is kind to them and that they grow into the people they really, truly want to be.

That being said, I just can't handle a lot of people right now.

I feel bitter, cynical and jaded when it comes to people.

I wonder, question and over think things, when it's probably none of my business.

A lot of this is probably a long year. A hard year. One of the hardest..filled with heartache, sorrow and pain. One that's been filled with a lot of sleepless nights. Long days. Broken hearts. One that makes you question people and their motives, that makes you question humanity and society and everything that they are and they have.

One that makes you wonder why people are in such a hurry to live their lives, when they could be enjoying it.

Sure, there are things that have to be done. You've gotta have a job, you've gotta pay the bills, you've gotta eat, have a place to sleep and take care of yourself. Unless of course you've got a trust fund and a butler to do all of that shit for you. Then you just..suck.

And sure, there are things you want out of life. Marriage? Travel? Money? Children? We all have things that we want..

That just goes without saying..

But if you're lucky, you have a hundred years to live.

And dude- that's not very long. Infact, I've already flown through a quarter of that. And the first 17 or so years seemed to creep along by as if they were a snail - and now they're flying by like a snail that's morphed into a speeding jet. On crack.

Okay. So the point is - you've got a hundred years..IF YOU'RE LUCKY. We all probably have a lot less than that. So, obviosuly, you want to get as much stuff in there as possible, live life to the fullest - but if you're so focussed on the destination, you're missing the ride - which may just turn out to be the best part.

I don't know where this post is going.

It's fueled entirely by sleep deprivation (thank you Baby Z) and banana muffins (thank you Mom).

And possibly a glass (or two) of wine I may have had.

And the fact that my great grandmother celebrates her 100th birthday in the morning.

And possibly the fact that I've been listening to John Lennon's 'Beautiful Boy' on repeat - because the Baby Z calms down and coo's on my shoulder whenever I put it on.

And that 'life is what happens to you...while you're busy making other plans' line always sticks in my head.

Time for bed.

Definitely time for bed.

Oh yeah? And that Vegas trip? It was awesome.

But guess what?

On the way there - we flew over the grand canyon.

Yeah - the GRAND. FREAKIN. CANYON.

Pretty glad I was enjoying the ride - and not just worried about the destination.

 Because dude - scoring the window seat while flying over the grand canyon?

 A-freakin'-mazing.

"Weekend" Getaway

Sometimes I get a little to wrapped up in life, in the going-ons of life, of the everyday a little bit boring, mundane things.

Sometimes it's just too crazy.

Sometimes it's just too stressful.

Sometimes it's just too busy to even think properly.

I get so wrapped up in life that it just..passes me by.

I get sad that most of my friends are far away...so I stop thinking about it and try to pretend that I'm too busy to have friends in close proximity anyways. Which, to be fair, a lot of the time recently, I have been.

But then a weekend happens.

Where it's awesome.

Everyone laughs, gets along and drinks dollar margarita's.

Where you go out to a club to go dancing and are pulled out of a line, and you get to jump the cue - AND avoid paying cover! With some of your best girl friends. And a whole bunch of sketchy 21 year olds that make you feel like a cougar *rawr*.

Where you explore a new city and the lights and wonder of said new city.

Where that city is proclaimed SUPER AWESOME because you can drink in public, on the streets, and are welcome to meander wherever you feel like it, from place to place, without anyone ever thinking or saying anything.

AND the drinks are often free. As are the shots being pouring into your mouth by that bartender.

And when they're not - they're served in glasses that are almost as tall as you. Or the length of your arm.

Basically, giant. Or with fuzzy palm trees.

And over these drinks, you set in the warm(er than home) desert sun. You catch up with girls that you wish still lived just down the street. You laugh so hard you cry - over the silliest things. You wear heels that you use to be able to wear - and then run back to your fancy dancy hotel room to change because they just aren't worth it. You sing songs while dancing on the bridge at 3-something AM - while you recount how you must be getting old because everything on the dancefloor looked like they were between 12-15 and you bailed after 3 and everyone was still partying like mad. But it didn't matter because you were going to dance all the way home. And then brush your teeth and collapse before you started all over again.

Where you rode a roller coaster, just for fun.

Where there were silly chats, serious chats and serene bits of comfortable silence where you took it all in.

And then when you haven't slept anywhere near as much as you should have, and you've got what feels like a million hour drive ahead of you and you just want to crash and sleep..you have amazing chats about life, your place in it and all of the crazy things that happen in it. The past, the present and the future in one car ride. That makes you feel closer to certain people than you have, ever. And that makes you feel closer to PEOPLE in GENERAL than you have in a long time.

I realized this weekend how much I miss having close girlfriends.

How I miss travelling.

How I miss being free to explore.

How I miss laughing.

How I miss escaping from the daily routine of life.

And so, I will do my best to plan more things. To make the effort. To dance a little more. And to live life - because if you're not doing that - what's the point?

So - Las Vegas Girls Getaway 2010? ...Grand Success!!

 Alas, all of the photos that are of the three of us are on other cameras...so this one will have to do! Us eating a yummy meal - with unlimited free wine?! I loves me some Vegas! I cannot wait for girls trips in future years to come..definitely something to look forward to! :)

*

I'm so horrible at this blogging thing lately..

But here is what I've been up to..

*Dressing like a giant pumpkin
*Making photo books and scrapbooks and finally doing something with my photos
*Planning the most fabulous girls extended weekend to VEGAS with my lovlies!
*Celebrating birthdays galore
*Cuddling a beautiful baby boy
*Doing errands, errands and more errands
*Taking photos
*Working too much...and now, not working enough.
*Cooking wonderful new fun foods
*Making lists like a maniac - and crossing things off
*Pouring over dessert books to make holiday treats
*Counting down days
*Buying christmas presents
*Baths, Bottles and Bedtimes for the beautiful baby boy
*Being a grownup and making hard decisions
*Writing in the baby blog

Things I'll (hopefully) be doing soon(ish):

*Printing off and putting together more scrapbooks
*Going to Vegas - So close now!
*Frantically packing and making sure everything is ready for Vegas!
*Cleaning the house from top to bottom before my aunt moves back
*Getting kisses and smiles from the baby boo
*Planning out a christmas menu
*Finish raking up the leaves
*Get my butt in gear and get some work work done.
* Visit some "swiss" friends
*Laundry, laundry and more laundry!

...And it's off to work for me. Ta for now blogland.

Shit Show

This weekend made me realize just how kick ass my friends are. And how much of a shit show we can be.

I mean..I knew I had some pretty kick ass friends..that just goes without saying when you've got my sort of awesome on your side..but DUDE - I have some KICK. ASS. FRIENDS. Caps TOTALLY necessary.

Let's just do a walk through..

SO..First..they're all "Let's come to town for homecoming!" - which I love..because of my crazy crazy schedule..it means that I have to put in minimal effort to actually get to see them..woot! If I could put in more effort right now..I would..but alas..I'm super busy and super tired...often...so little effort is better in this case.

So they came. En mass. And I have to admit..I was a little worried.

There were a few that I wanted to see...A LOT..and there were a few that I was like.."oh god, I need to hide...or drink..or HIDE AND DRINK" - and there were a bunch that I was rather ambivilant about. LUCKILY, the group that I really wanted to see was kick ass and we found a cute little restaurant with amazing food that was perfect for having catch up convos - LOVE.

Then I had to work all day.

While my friends near and dear got shitfaced.

Which sounds sucky because I was working - but picture then getting to walk into the hilarity of shitfaced friends who have been drunk since far before noon and playing catch up at 4 in the afternoon.

Oh it was good.

There was laughing.

There was dancing.

There were shots at sketchy bars.

There were far too many photographs that I'm rather afraid to look at.

There were hilarious conversations about anything and everything.

There were FREE HOTDOGS. Which doesn't sound like it should be awesome - but after being drunk as we were, free hotdogs AT THE BAR are amazing. Not just good - AMAZING.

There was run ins, almost run ins and hug fests.

There were catch ups with old friends who hadn't been seen in YEARS, and catch up with friends that just don't seem to make enough time for each other these days.

There was pizza, more beer, stops at bars along the way to refuel and greasy breakfasts to soak up the leftover booze.

And the best part? Two of my best friends and I finalized our desire to have a girls weekend in vegas and are heading there NEXT MONTH! Which basically means that the hilarity and awesome of THIS weekend is going to be packed into a five day, four night trip in sin city - where we'll have belated quarter century birthday celebrations.

So Vegas? I'm prepped - my blood alcohol is probably still far too high...my inhibitions are waining...and I'm pretty sure that you should bring on the shitshow, in the most kick ass way possible.

Betwixt & Between

Lately I feel as though this statement describes my life perfectly.

I feel as though I am the poster child for being betwixt and between..everything.

I'm not a kid - but I definitely don't feel as though I'm anywhere even close to being a grownup.

I'm not a person who I hate being, but there's a severe lack of love for who I am at the same time.

I get frustrated with the fluff of some people - yet feel lost in the academia of others.

Sometimes I sleep in one house, while other nights finds me somewhere else. Most times I feel like I'm living out of my car. Always going somewhere, but never getting anywhere.

I try to do everything,  but end up doing nothing.

I'm neither here, there or anywhere.

Just caught in the middle - betwixt and between.

As per usual in my life...I'm searching for balance.

And it's frustrating.

So very frustrating.

Sleep? What's That?

I am exhausted.

Work is taking its toll on me..and yet most times, I still never quite feel good enough. It's so fast paced, so whirlwind, that before I know it another week has passed me by and I've never been able to accomplish quite enough. It's difficult, and I know that there will be a reprieve again this winter (as there always is) but for now, I'm tired. It's especially difficult because most times I work to an end goal. Usually, this goal is Thanksgiving...and it's nice because everything winds down, I'm ready to be done...family get togethers AND it's my birthday. And my brother's fiances birthday. And my cousins husbands birthday. Mid October is basically BIRTHDAY PAAAAAAALOOOOZA! Which is the best kind of palooza out there, just in case you were wondering.

This year though?

This year brings new challenges and new activities. This year means that the season is stretching a little longer than it use to..and brings a lot of work that needs to be done. In some ways, I'm excited for it..because it's something new, exciting and a challenge. It's something different that will be fun to try. However..it also means that my usual end goal of October is thrown out the window..and this year, Thanksgiving weekend will be a busy weekend filled with a million different things to do.

And I'm already exhausted.

Oi.

It probably doesn't help that my schedule means that some days I'm up later in the day..while others I have to be up while the stars are still out. And that other days I'm up throughout the night with a crying baby...and sometimes I can't even drag myself out of bed to help. The other night I was so tired..but I knew that my cousin was too...so I was like..if you can just HAND me the baby..then I can give him a bottle and by then I'll be able to put him back to bed..but I don't think I can get up right now. Having your sleep schedule disrupted every night and still trying to work..ugh..slightly insane. And I don't want to complain...because of course I love them both dearly and would (and will) do anything for them..but I'm just..tired.

It's just been a long week...filled with disrupted nights, early mornings and long days...

Let's just say I have a completely new respect for mothers, working mothers..and for fathers who have to go back to work while they still have a newborn in the house.

I'll elaborate more later. For now, I'm going back to doze infront of the television and bask in my glorious two "days off"

Yep, Still Single

Sometimes I get a little bit cynical and grumpy about my never ending single status.

Would it be nice to have a boyfriend? Sure.

Thing is though...I'm not so down with settling for someone that's not right, that doesn't have similar morals, values or ideas about life...and I seem to channel Julia Stiles a la 10 Things I Hate About You when it comes to boys...except change 'have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school' with 'have you seen the unwashed miscreants that are in this town?!'


 I'm pretty particular when it comes to certain things..and in the last while have become even more particular about the people I surround myself with in my daily life..and I dunno. Maybe I'm just cynical and bitter..but every single time I look around this town...I'm like..whoa..yeah..no thanks.


Which is fine..because I'm honestly in no rush to feel as though I have to find someone and settle down and blah blah blah. 


Even if all of my friends seem to be married, in super serious relationships or having wee babes and I can't figure out where I fit into this picture. 


But then my mother starts making little comments about this or that, and then my grandmother says I need to find a nice boy and then my aunt tells me that she's been asking her friends if their daughters know anyone nice for me..


And I'm all..what the HELL - I'm TWENTY FOUR and enjoying my independence..why do you need to make me feel like crap because I'm not married and having children? Turning twenty five and being single doesn't mean that I'm necessarily going to be the crazy cat lady who scares children from her front porch. And so what if I do...they should respect my life choices, damnit. 


I mean, I get it..and yes, it would be nice..but I'm not going to marry someone just for the sake of marrying someone..and I really don't need overbearing relatives to play match maker when they have no idea what the hell I'm looking for.


So. I'm still single. Sorry about that..but that's just the way it is, and that's the way it's going to be for the forseeable future. 

And I'm going to embrace it...because seriously..who wants unwashed miscreants? Ew.

Forever Ruined

Switzerland ruined me.

Don't get me wrong - I loved living there...but I was spoiled.

Picturesque views on a daily basis: Check.
Reliable transportation: Check.
Fresh bread and good cheese: Double Check.
The best chocolate in the entire world that you can't find anywhere else: Check.

So, you see where the problem lies.

You eat the worlds best chocolate for an entire year, and then you go back to North America. Before you left you didn't really eat much chocolate, but the newfound chocolate addict in your can't live without it..so you grab an old classic at a store, take a bite...and spit it out.

You can't figure out why the chocolate here has been replace with wax, but figure it's because you bought some cheap chocolate bar because you're broke.

So you dredge on through your life, dreaming of a Swiss chocolate heaven, and you realize that there is lindt. Oh the makers of chocolate, the very best chocolate out there. And you sigh, because it's FROM there, it MUST be a taste of the real thing that you've been craving.

And you taste it.

And still, it just tastes like wax.

Everyone else goes on and on about how wonderful that three dollar chocolate bar is.

And you're miserable...because you know that it's not actually good..it's better than a lot of the others..but still...nothing like what your standards now dictate.

A chocolate bar so sweet and good that it melted in your mouth. Where you swore you were going to only have one piece, and next thing you know, the entire thing was gone. But it was okay, because you bought five of the bars for a dollar at the cheap discount grocery store. And even though they're the bottom of the line swiss chocolate..they're eight trillion times better than any chocolate you've ever had.

So now there is an expensive bar of chocolate sitting in the fridge. Three dollars for wax. And I'm still craving real chocolate. Lindt, Frey or Sprungli, I don't really care..

Being a girl sucks, but being a girl who can't really enjoy chocolate anymore?

That's just cruel.

What's In A Name?

So - if anyone out there in the big wide interwebs is reading this, they're probably wondering what the hell this blog is.

This is my attempt to be the blogger I want to be. 

One that doesn't censor herself, one that is honest, truthful and tells it like it is. 

One that tells the hilarious stories involving her falling down and hurting herself, and also the stories of being hurt by life. One that is witty, but always with a hint of exhaustion. It just adds that extra little pizazz. I want to be the blogger that creates a community of good friends (ones from here, there and anywhere) around herself. One where she gets to know people all around her, even though she's never had a chance to meet them. A way to keep friends who are close to her heart, but far in distance..close by. In my early blogging (ha. back when we called it 'journaling') days (eek - almost 10 years ago?!)  I had this wonderful group of friends on the internet. A great bunch of girls with whom I shared stories, commisterated with and laughed with. 

Then I went to university - and beer, best friends, boys and books (and yes, that order is just about freakishly accurate) became much more important than in my daily life then keeping up with writing on the internet. Sure, I'd still turn to it to bitch and rant and rave - but the daily stuff, the thoughts and memories got left out.

Now though? I'm done university. I've lived overseas. I've contemplated getting a real job - but decided to take the riskier route instead, and am taking over the family business. With my family. Which, you know, could be awesome. Except that we might all kill each other and then who the hell is going to pay the bills?

After moving back home from a year overseas, I moved in with my parents. Because, you know, evidentally working as a slave and travelling  as much as humanly possible makes you broke as broke can be. So I moved back home. After years of not living with there. ..But free rent and free food and having someone who did your laundry when you were too tired to move and no longer had clean underwear was appealing. Especially at 24 when you'd experienced living on your own and decided that growing up isn't all candy and lollipops.And there is even LESS candy when you spent your last dollar at an overpriced swiss airport and you're literally broke as..anything. 

Now though  - I'm living with my cousin and her three week old baby boy. Which means that I work 40 hours a week (and then never stop thinking about work and working from home another few hundred hours a week - yeah, try to figure THAT one out) all the while changing diapers, singing lullabies and making bottles.

I also happen to be a surrogate for a needy cat while my aunt is working in South Africa.

My life is busy. It's not always glamourous.

Except when people come up to me and tell me they've seen me on TV, the newspaper or in a magazine. Which actually happens a lot.

I'm kind of a big deal. 

In the 'small town, family business' kind of way.

You should probably get my autograph before I go national.

Just putting it out there. 

ANYWAY. Back to the point, before the rambling began (which, by the way, if you're planning on sticking around - well, it (the rambling that is) happens.)

So - What's in a name?

It's a gaelic word - tuigse - which isn't pronounced anything like you think it should be. Infact it's all sh's and k's - and the actual pronouncition is 'Took Sha'.

Yeah - I know - messed up right?

Welcome to MY world - take it seat and buckle up - it's a fun and crazy ride

 I like it because, well, it's not as it appears. And neither am I...I'm full of surprises and you never know what's going to happen next.

 It was also appealing because when translated it means : comprehension, consideration, discernment, discerning, knowledge, intelligence, perception, realization, and understanding


Which is the direction I'd like to head in this blog. To understand, to be there for others, to be aware but not taken advantage of, to learn, to know, to see, to make grand realizations and to understand - myself, people around me and the world. 


Which sounds all mushy and gooey and gross - but I swear I'm not. Okay. So I might be a little...but I swear I'm not in the bad way. At least not right now. 


I'm mostly just a 20-something, trying to figure out her place in the world. Caught at a junction where she's too grown up to be a kid, but too much of a kid to be a grownup. Take it or leave it, I'm all I can be. 


So interwebs, if you're out there and like what you've read and have pressed that there follow button over there...and you think I'd like to read what you've written - all you have to do is leave me your name and your link...I'll definitely check it out and probably want to be BFF's.

In the totally non creepy way. 

A new blog. A fresh start. A getaway from certain people that I just need to escape from, for my own sanity. 

Yeah - that's about it, for now.