Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Life Is What Happens...

I've been thinking a lot lately.

Not that I don't think on a regular sort of basis...I should clarify. I've been thinking a lot about LIFE lately. Not that I don't think about that on a fairly regular basis either..but blah..you internet, you of all people, you should know what I mean. What I mean is that it, life, been on my mind even more than normal lately.

How short it is, how crazy it is. The people in it, the way it's lived. The way it's squandered, the way it's enjoyed and the way everyone measures it, quantifies it.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm always on this quest, wishing I could organize life into chunks of time and make the most of it. If I do this first, and then that next, and then cross this off my list, then I will be able to squeeze EVERYTHING in. Even if it means that I don't get to enjoy ANY of it. I've done it all...wooohoo! Yeah, not really what I want. There are a lot of things that I want to do, but none of them enough to make me not have enjoying life as the numero uno priority on my bucket list.

And then I start looking at the things in my life around me, and I wonder what happiness is. And if the people I've surrounded myself with are making me happy, or allowing me to reach that potential. And then answer is..sometimes, no. Which is really sad. Because everyone should be happy, all of the time. I really, honestly wish that were possible. Having girls weekends like the one we had a few weeks ago in Vegas? Made me SO HAPPY. Ridiculously happy..and if I'm not that happy with people..then what's the point? If people make me sad, frustrated and upset...if they try to manipulate me and control me and treat me like garbage, why am I doing the things I'm doing? So lately I've had to make some executive decisions in my life, and I said goodbye to some people in my life that at this point were just not healthy for me and the person I wanted to be. And I've distanced myself from others, while I try to get my head on straight. Hard, difficult and almost impossible? Yeah. Important? Definitely. And it's not like I wish these people any ill will, infact, I hope that they're happy. I hope that they love, and get everything that they want out of life. I hope that they're honest with themselves and have no regrets, I hope that life is kind to them and that they grow into the people they really, truly want to be.

That being said, I just can't handle a lot of people right now.

I feel bitter, cynical and jaded when it comes to people.

I wonder, question and over think things, when it's probably none of my business.

A lot of this is probably a long year. A hard year. One of the hardest..filled with heartache, sorrow and pain. One that's been filled with a lot of sleepless nights. Long days. Broken hearts. One that makes you question people and their motives, that makes you question humanity and society and everything that they are and they have.

One that makes you wonder why people are in such a hurry to live their lives, when they could be enjoying it.

Sure, there are things that have to be done. You've gotta have a job, you've gotta pay the bills, you've gotta eat, have a place to sleep and take care of yourself. Unless of course you've got a trust fund and a butler to do all of that shit for you. Then you just..suck.

And sure, there are things you want out of life. Marriage? Travel? Money? Children? We all have things that we want..

That just goes without saying..

But if you're lucky, you have a hundred years to live.

And dude- that's not very long. Infact, I've already flown through a quarter of that. And the first 17 or so years seemed to creep along by as if they were a snail - and now they're flying by like a snail that's morphed into a speeding jet. On crack.

Okay. So the point is - you've got a hundred years..IF YOU'RE LUCKY. We all probably have a lot less than that. So, obviosuly, you want to get as much stuff in there as possible, live life to the fullest - but if you're so focussed on the destination, you're missing the ride - which may just turn out to be the best part.

I don't know where this post is going.

It's fueled entirely by sleep deprivation (thank you Baby Z) and banana muffins (thank you Mom).

And possibly a glass (or two) of wine I may have had.

And the fact that my great grandmother celebrates her 100th birthday in the morning.

And possibly the fact that I've been listening to John Lennon's 'Beautiful Boy' on repeat - because the Baby Z calms down and coo's on my shoulder whenever I put it on.

And that 'life is what happens to you...while you're busy making other plans' line always sticks in my head.

Time for bed.

Definitely time for bed.

Oh yeah? And that Vegas trip? It was awesome.

But guess what?

On the way there - we flew over the grand canyon.


Pretty glad I was enjoying the ride - and not just worried about the destination.

 Because dude - scoring the window seat while flying over the grand canyon?


Thursday, November 25, 2010

"Weekend" Getaway

Sometimes I get a little to wrapped up in life, in the going-ons of life, of the everyday a little bit boring, mundane things.

Sometimes it's just too crazy.

Sometimes it's just too stressful.

Sometimes it's just too busy to even think properly.

I get so wrapped up in life that it just..passes me by.

I get sad that most of my friends are far away...so I stop thinking about it and try to pretend that I'm too busy to have friends in close proximity anyways. Which, to be fair, a lot of the time recently, I have been.

But then a weekend happens.

Where it's awesome.

Everyone laughs, gets along and drinks dollar margarita's.

Where you go out to a club to go dancing and are pulled out of a line, and you get to jump the cue - AND avoid paying cover! With some of your best girl friends. And a whole bunch of sketchy 21 year olds that make you feel like a cougar *rawr*.

Where you explore a new city and the lights and wonder of said new city.

Where that city is proclaimed SUPER AWESOME because you can drink in public, on the streets, and are welcome to meander wherever you feel like it, from place to place, without anyone ever thinking or saying anything.

AND the drinks are often free. As are the shots being pouring into your mouth by that bartender.

And when they're not - they're served in glasses that are almost as tall as you. Or the length of your arm.

Basically, giant. Or with fuzzy palm trees.

And over these drinks, you set in the warm(er than home) desert sun. You catch up with girls that you wish still lived just down the street. You laugh so hard you cry - over the silliest things. You wear heels that you use to be able to wear - and then run back to your fancy dancy hotel room to change because they just aren't worth it. You sing songs while dancing on the bridge at 3-something AM - while you recount how you must be getting old because everything on the dancefloor looked like they were between 12-15 and you bailed after 3 and everyone was still partying like mad. But it didn't matter because you were going to dance all the way home. And then brush your teeth and collapse before you started all over again.

Where you rode a roller coaster, just for fun.

Where there were silly chats, serious chats and serene bits of comfortable silence where you took it all in.

And then when you haven't slept anywhere near as much as you should have, and you've got what feels like a million hour drive ahead of you and you just want to crash and sleep..you have amazing chats about life, your place in it and all of the crazy things that happen in it. The past, the present and the future in one car ride. That makes you feel closer to certain people than you have, ever. And that makes you feel closer to PEOPLE in GENERAL than you have in a long time.

I realized this weekend how much I miss having close girlfriends.

How I miss travelling.

How I miss being free to explore.

How I miss laughing.

How I miss escaping from the daily routine of life.

And so, I will do my best to plan more things. To make the effort. To dance a little more. And to live life - because if you're not doing that - what's the point?

So - Las Vegas Girls Getaway 2010? ...Grand Success!!

 Alas, all of the photos that are of the three of us are on other cameras...so this one will have to do! Us eating a yummy meal - with unlimited free wine?! I loves me some Vegas! I cannot wait for girls trips in future years to come..definitely something to look forward to! :)

Friday, November 12, 2010


I'm so horrible at this blogging thing lately..

But here is what I've been up to..

*Dressing like a giant pumpkin
*Making photo books and scrapbooks and finally doing something with my photos
*Planning the most fabulous girls extended weekend to VEGAS with my lovlies!
*Celebrating birthdays galore
*Cuddling a beautiful baby boy
*Doing errands, errands and more errands
*Taking photos
*Working too much...and now, not working enough.
*Cooking wonderful new fun foods
*Making lists like a maniac - and crossing things off
*Pouring over dessert books to make holiday treats
*Counting down days
*Buying christmas presents
*Baths, Bottles and Bedtimes for the beautiful baby boy
*Being a grownup and making hard decisions
*Writing in the baby blog

Things I'll (hopefully) be doing soon(ish):

*Printing off and putting together more scrapbooks
*Going to Vegas - So close now!
*Frantically packing and making sure everything is ready for Vegas!
*Cleaning the house from top to bottom before my aunt moves back
*Getting kisses and smiles from the baby boo
*Planning out a christmas menu
*Finish raking up the leaves
*Get my butt in gear and get some work work done.
* Visit some "swiss" friends
*Laundry, laundry and more laundry!

...And it's off to work for me. Ta for now blogland.