Betwixt & Between

Lately I feel as though this statement describes my life perfectly.

I feel as though I am the poster child for being betwixt and between..everything.

I'm not a kid - but I definitely don't feel as though I'm anywhere even close to being a grownup.

I'm not a person who I hate being, but there's a severe lack of love for who I am at the same time.

I get frustrated with the fluff of some people - yet feel lost in the academia of others.

Sometimes I sleep in one house, while other nights finds me somewhere else. Most times I feel like I'm living out of my car. Always going somewhere, but never getting anywhere.

I try to do everything,  but end up doing nothing.

I'm neither here, there or anywhere.

Just caught in the middle - betwixt and between.

As per usual in my life...I'm searching for balance.

And it's frustrating.

So very frustrating.

Sleep? What's That?

I am exhausted.

Work is taking its toll on me..and yet most times, I still never quite feel good enough. It's so fast paced, so whirlwind, that before I know it another week has passed me by and I've never been able to accomplish quite enough. It's difficult, and I know that there will be a reprieve again this winter (as there always is) but for now, I'm tired. It's especially difficult because most times I work to an end goal. Usually, this goal is Thanksgiving...and it's nice because everything winds down, I'm ready to be done...family get togethers AND it's my birthday. And my brother's fiances birthday. And my cousins husbands birthday. Mid October is basically BIRTHDAY PAAAAAAALOOOOZA! Which is the best kind of palooza out there, just in case you were wondering.

This year though?

This year brings new challenges and new activities. This year means that the season is stretching a little longer than it use to..and brings a lot of work that needs to be done. In some ways, I'm excited for it..because it's something new, exciting and a challenge. It's something different that will be fun to try. However..it also means that my usual end goal of October is thrown out the window..and this year, Thanksgiving weekend will be a busy weekend filled with a million different things to do.

And I'm already exhausted.

Oi.

It probably doesn't help that my schedule means that some days I'm up later in the day..while others I have to be up while the stars are still out. And that other days I'm up throughout the night with a crying baby...and sometimes I can't even drag myself out of bed to help. The other night I was so tired..but I knew that my cousin was too...so I was like..if you can just HAND me the baby..then I can give him a bottle and by then I'll be able to put him back to bed..but I don't think I can get up right now. Having your sleep schedule disrupted every night and still trying to work..ugh..slightly insane. And I don't want to complain...because of course I love them both dearly and would (and will) do anything for them..but I'm just..tired.

It's just been a long week...filled with disrupted nights, early mornings and long days...

Let's just say I have a completely new respect for mothers, working mothers..and for fathers who have to go back to work while they still have a newborn in the house.

I'll elaborate more later. For now, I'm going back to doze infront of the television and bask in my glorious two "days off"

Yep, Still Single

Sometimes I get a little bit cynical and grumpy about my never ending single status.

Would it be nice to have a boyfriend? Sure.

Thing is though...I'm not so down with settling for someone that's not right, that doesn't have similar morals, values or ideas about life...and I seem to channel Julia Stiles a la 10 Things I Hate About You when it comes to boys...except change 'have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school' with 'have you seen the unwashed miscreants that are in this town?!'


 I'm pretty particular when it comes to certain things..and in the last while have become even more particular about the people I surround myself with in my daily life..and I dunno. Maybe I'm just cynical and bitter..but every single time I look around this town...I'm like..whoa..yeah..no thanks.


Which is fine..because I'm honestly in no rush to feel as though I have to find someone and settle down and blah blah blah. 


Even if all of my friends seem to be married, in super serious relationships or having wee babes and I can't figure out where I fit into this picture. 


But then my mother starts making little comments about this or that, and then my grandmother says I need to find a nice boy and then my aunt tells me that she's been asking her friends if their daughters know anyone nice for me..


And I'm all..what the HELL - I'm TWENTY FOUR and enjoying my independence..why do you need to make me feel like crap because I'm not married and having children? Turning twenty five and being single doesn't mean that I'm necessarily going to be the crazy cat lady who scares children from her front porch. And so what if I do...they should respect my life choices, damnit. 


I mean, I get it..and yes, it would be nice..but I'm not going to marry someone just for the sake of marrying someone..and I really don't need overbearing relatives to play match maker when they have no idea what the hell I'm looking for.


So. I'm still single. Sorry about that..but that's just the way it is, and that's the way it's going to be for the forseeable future. 

And I'm going to embrace it...because seriously..who wants unwashed miscreants? Ew.

Forever Ruined

Switzerland ruined me.

Don't get me wrong - I loved living there...but I was spoiled.

Picturesque views on a daily basis: Check.
Reliable transportation: Check.
Fresh bread and good cheese: Double Check.
The best chocolate in the entire world that you can't find anywhere else: Check.

So, you see where the problem lies.

You eat the worlds best chocolate for an entire year, and then you go back to North America. Before you left you didn't really eat much chocolate, but the newfound chocolate addict in your can't live without it..so you grab an old classic at a store, take a bite...and spit it out.

You can't figure out why the chocolate here has been replace with wax, but figure it's because you bought some cheap chocolate bar because you're broke.

So you dredge on through your life, dreaming of a Swiss chocolate heaven, and you realize that there is lindt. Oh the makers of chocolate, the very best chocolate out there. And you sigh, because it's FROM there, it MUST be a taste of the real thing that you've been craving.

And you taste it.

And still, it just tastes like wax.

Everyone else goes on and on about how wonderful that three dollar chocolate bar is.

And you're miserable...because you know that it's not actually good..it's better than a lot of the others..but still...nothing like what your standards now dictate.

A chocolate bar so sweet and good that it melted in your mouth. Where you swore you were going to only have one piece, and next thing you know, the entire thing was gone. But it was okay, because you bought five of the bars for a dollar at the cheap discount grocery store. And even though they're the bottom of the line swiss chocolate..they're eight trillion times better than any chocolate you've ever had.

So now there is an expensive bar of chocolate sitting in the fridge. Three dollars for wax. And I'm still craving real chocolate. Lindt, Frey or Sprungli, I don't really care..

Being a girl sucks, but being a girl who can't really enjoy chocolate anymore?

That's just cruel.

What's In A Name?

So - if anyone out there in the big wide interwebs is reading this, they're probably wondering what the hell this blog is.

This is my attempt to be the blogger I want to be. 

One that doesn't censor herself, one that is honest, truthful and tells it like it is. 

One that tells the hilarious stories involving her falling down and hurting herself, and also the stories of being hurt by life. One that is witty, but always with a hint of exhaustion. It just adds that extra little pizazz. I want to be the blogger that creates a community of good friends (ones from here, there and anywhere) around herself. One where she gets to know people all around her, even though she's never had a chance to meet them. A way to keep friends who are close to her heart, but far in distance..close by. In my early blogging (ha. back when we called it 'journaling') days (eek - almost 10 years ago?!)  I had this wonderful group of friends on the internet. A great bunch of girls with whom I shared stories, commisterated with and laughed with. 

Then I went to university - and beer, best friends, boys and books (and yes, that order is just about freakishly accurate) became much more important than in my daily life then keeping up with writing on the internet. Sure, I'd still turn to it to bitch and rant and rave - but the daily stuff, the thoughts and memories got left out.

Now though? I'm done university. I've lived overseas. I've contemplated getting a real job - but decided to take the riskier route instead, and am taking over the family business. With my family. Which, you know, could be awesome. Except that we might all kill each other and then who the hell is going to pay the bills?

After moving back home from a year overseas, I moved in with my parents. Because, you know, evidentally working as a slave and travelling  as much as humanly possible makes you broke as broke can be. So I moved back home. After years of not living with there. ..But free rent and free food and having someone who did your laundry when you were too tired to move and no longer had clean underwear was appealing. Especially at 24 when you'd experienced living on your own and decided that growing up isn't all candy and lollipops.And there is even LESS candy when you spent your last dollar at an overpriced swiss airport and you're literally broke as..anything. 

Now though  - I'm living with my cousin and her three week old baby boy. Which means that I work 40 hours a week (and then never stop thinking about work and working from home another few hundred hours a week - yeah, try to figure THAT one out) all the while changing diapers, singing lullabies and making bottles.

I also happen to be a surrogate for a needy cat while my aunt is working in South Africa.

My life is busy. It's not always glamourous.

Except when people come up to me and tell me they've seen me on TV, the newspaper or in a magazine. Which actually happens a lot.

I'm kind of a big deal. 

In the 'small town, family business' kind of way.

You should probably get my autograph before I go national.

Just putting it out there. 

ANYWAY. Back to the point, before the rambling began (which, by the way, if you're planning on sticking around - well, it (the rambling that is) happens.)

So - What's in a name?

It's a gaelic word - tuigse - which isn't pronounced anything like you think it should be. Infact it's all sh's and k's - and the actual pronouncition is 'Took Sha'.

Yeah - I know - messed up right?

Welcome to MY world - take it seat and buckle up - it's a fun and crazy ride

 I like it because, well, it's not as it appears. And neither am I...I'm full of surprises and you never know what's going to happen next.

 It was also appealing because when translated it means : comprehension, consideration, discernment, discerning, knowledge, intelligence, perception, realization, and understanding


Which is the direction I'd like to head in this blog. To understand, to be there for others, to be aware but not taken advantage of, to learn, to know, to see, to make grand realizations and to understand - myself, people around me and the world. 


Which sounds all mushy and gooey and gross - but I swear I'm not. Okay. So I might be a little...but I swear I'm not in the bad way. At least not right now. 


I'm mostly just a 20-something, trying to figure out her place in the world. Caught at a junction where she's too grown up to be a kid, but too much of a kid to be a grownup. Take it or leave it, I'm all I can be. 


So interwebs, if you're out there and like what you've read and have pressed that there follow button over there...and you think I'd like to read what you've written - all you have to do is leave me your name and your link...I'll definitely check it out and probably want to be BFF's.

In the totally non creepy way. 

A new blog. A fresh start. A getaway from certain people that I just need to escape from, for my own sanity. 

Yeah - that's about it, for now.